Kick-starting the Journey

Deep breath and here we go again,back on the roller-coaster that seems to be defining this journey. It seems that this blog is my sanity, my accountability and my last line of defense. I have been asked why I put this all out to the universe, why share? Sometimes I ask the same question of myself, but the truth of it is I write mainly for myself. Writing is therapeutic for me.If others read it that's great, if  I find a kindred spirit or it helps someone else in their journey, fabulous. 
The other side of the coin is I write because then somebody else knows...
It's easier not to be open about where I am along the road.
It's easier to think I can and will do this alone, to make promises to myself that I will set goals and do something, because then when I fail to keep those promises there are no repercussions, no consequences. Sure I feel like crap, feel guilty that I have let myself down, but no one else knows unless I tell them. Much easier to keep telling myself I can do this alone.
I put this out to the universe because I am amazingly good at hiding things unless I force myself to reveal them. I will stuff things down, plaster a smile on my face even if I feel like I am being eaten alive from the inside out. I can suppress things particularly well.
Funnily enough it is also that ability that has allowed me to get through some major hurdles in my life, to some extent made me stronger and I have survived. But it's not a healthy place to be and time to make more changes.
Time to say out loud when I need help, for someone to hear and for me to know I've been heard. I'll be more likely to stay on track and I won't quietly derail once again.
Now I am not asking anyone to take responsibility for me, I am not asking to be supported or for anyone to feel they have to keep me on track or be a part of the journey.
I am sharing this journey because I have to.
I share this journey because if someone else is reading this it will keep me honest.
I share this journey because maybe someone else is on a similar road and they will feel as though they are not travelling alone. Someone else stuffing it all down, trying to manage it all inside their head.
I share this journey because nothing is easy, it's hard and it's scary and the hardest step to take is always the first. I know it won't be easy, I know there will be hurdles and obstacles, the biggest being the voice in my head. But I know it will be worth the effort.
Thanks for sharing the journey with me , time to buckle up and hold on tight I think it's going to be another bumpy ride.